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It was the one thing I knew I could change on my own. But she definitely noticed when I lost weight." From the beginning, starving consumed her life. I was in a restaurant with my boyfriend and a girl walked in who was really pretty and much thinner than me. I went into the bathroom and cried." She couldn't look at a picture of a celebrity without feeling bad, either. "They're constantly comparing women to each other: 'That girl is really hot; she's so much hotter than her friends.' So we compete to be the hotter friend. On particularly bad days, I can look at children and think that when I'm older, that little 3-year-old girl is going to steal my husband." In a culture of plenty where the young are pressured to succeed even before birth, the achievement package has come to include, especially for girls, a "perfect" body.

I would diet and get positive feedback and feel really good. We went on fad diets together, too." Her family never noticed her food fetishes. Starting at puberty, sometimes before, the mounting pressure launches girls into the stratosphere of fat fear, in part fueled by the ubiquity of food, in part by new sensitivities adolescence brings to the judgments of others.

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